Photo by Claudio Schwarz Purzlbaum on Unsplash

I have counselled many over the past thirty years, as a friend, a lawyer, a corporate counsel, a social worker and recently (5 years) a licensed Counsellor. Over this period, I have seen many (self-included) who don’t really have any control of their lives. The following statement is almost all the time made to me when I first see them: – “I am confused over my relationship, over my job, over my friends, over myself! I don’t know who I am or where I am in life!” I wonder how many times we all have heard these words being uttered by people and indeed ourselves!

We are put into situations we do not sometimes recognize. What we all, at the heat of the moment, don’t realize or don’t want to accept is, that in reality, these are all transitional and will pass. We are often concerned with, what’s life like during this period, before the dark cloud passes? We are concerned or in fact, fearful of questioning ourselves, what if it does not pass?

Its times like this when we need professional help in a friendly environment. Consoling ourselves that it will pass, is really not a solution is it? It’s very often during this period, that people do things that could either hurt them or others in the short term or long run … only to regret once the storm passes, but then, sometimes a little late.

I have found that in such dark moments, having friends may help. The risk with this is, sometimes, no matter how sincere a friend is, the advice given may be inappropriate, or even cause us to make wrong assumptions, about the situation or worse still about ourselves! Caring and sincere friends may be supportive but may not always provide solutions or relief.

Is there a solution to the satisfactory management of our lives in such dark moments? The good news is there always is, as certainly as dawn will be there every morning. The bad news is that for is long as we don’t understand ourselves, it will be difficult for us to manage ourselves. These are dangerous moments and we need to manage these dark clouds efficiently, and at the onset of such negative feelings.

“I am confused over my relationship, over my job, over my friends, over myself! I don’t know who I am or where I am in life!”. It’s in fact always good to have this feeling from time to time. Surprised? Don’t be, as when I feel this way, it is a warning signal that I’m approaching the chasm of depression, which must be avoided! This is the onset of depression and must be recognized in order to nip it in the bud. Nonsensical as it may sound, one can get addicted to negativism. Do you know of such people?

Here is where a Counsellor can help you reconstruct and “renovate” your life, together with you, building new goals, setting new purposes and motivating yourself, towards rediscovery or discovery as the case may be, of your purpose in life.

The second part of the equation of self-management is that, once we have discovered ourselves, we must maintain the practice of self-audit and taming of our ID or ego. Any lapse in doing so will only cause a relapse, plunging ourselves back into the dark depths of the chasm of depression.

What I do in Social Dynamic Counselling is that together with the Counselee, we do a Life Mapping exercise to recognize where we want to be and where we are, taking the age range from 25 to 80 years. This then takes the nature of an oracle for us. From time to time we must take this oracle out and test where we are on our navigational path through life. Very often we need to re calibrate. It reminds me of my Garmin Navigator, every time I am out of the route, she yells out “recalculating”! This calibration process must be developed to be almost our second nature.

The Counselling methodology of Socio-Dynamic is a four (4) phase one. i.e.

  • Phase one – understanding yourself through storytelling.

  • Phase two – understanding the secret of mental management of unsatisfactory mental health.

  • Phase three– consolidating your newly discovered self with the present.

  • Phase four – living with your newly discovered self to achieve self-fulfilment, tranquillity and happiness, no matter what the situation is.

These four phases can never come into play if the precondition of mental health is not present. This precondition is, the ability to recognize one’s unhealthy state of mental health and one’s desire to do something constructive towards mending it; seeing a Counsellor is one of the proven effective ways of achieving this end.


  1. You’ve got a great blog here well done congratulations

  2. Incredible story there. What happened after? Take care!

  3. he he, just wanted to tell you, I will keep this article. It was helpful. Keep on posting!

  4. An excellent article on depression and ways to counter it. Well done Dr. Harith. We need more people like you to reach out to those who suffer from depression.
    My comment about this article will be based on how we can, instead of zeroing on the symptoms and then do a patchwork which surely will not last; but to find out the causes that lead to depression and then educate the public in general so that as parents they will know how to build a “safety net” around their sensitive, impressionable, easily manipulated, good and bad habits causing minds of their children; a “safety net” that can protect these growing innocent children, from the ignoble, immoral, unethical, criminality-based, materlal-senses obssesed life-styles, they “see” “feel”, “hear” and “taste” with their sensitive mind, from what is happening around them!
    In this Age the “safety-net” must be designed and prepared for use from the moment the parents become aware about the wish of their children to get married!
    I shall therefore try my best to the best of my knowledge itemize some of the important advice about this subject hoping and praying that as many men, women, youth, and even children become aware of what is shared with them in this comment! Every paragraph herein will be numbered and should any reader wish for more clarification, kindly use the number of the paragraph in question and write to the author of this blog for answers.
    Build the “safety-net” using these materials:-
    1. Compulsory pre-marital education for the, about to be wed, female and male; an education that reflects Truth as revealed in Sacred Writings of religion.
    2. Compulsory that the living parents, of both parties give their permission for this union.
    3 The moment the female partner or the wife knows that she is pregnant; she will have been educated to know that at that moment when the ovum and the sperm has conjugated to form a zygote, the soul arrives to energize the developing embryo. That it is this moment that the pure, sensitive mind of the developing child in the mother’s womb-world and the mind of the mother is “connected”. From that moment the mother becomes the first teacher of the developing child in her womb! From that moment whatever the mother thinks, speaks and acts will influence the character-building educational process of the child in her womb-world!
    4. From this moment onwards the father will have to so careful that under no circumstances will his words and actions, specially, upset the thought pattern of the wife.
    5. The feeling of true love for each other and the true love in their hearts, for having been gifted by the Almighty Creator of a child that they will have to nourished, educate to become a spiritual and an upright, noble human being must always be with them.
    6. The parents to become models of “right living” which will act as a force that will be copied by the child as it grows withing an aura of love of the Almighty, love of the parents, obedience to parents wishes, respect for the elders, service-orientated, and above all to only look at the good in any one the child encounters!
    7. To teach the child to be inquisitive, to ask questions, to read and write, to think independently; to pray daily; all these under the supervision of the parents especially until the child reaches the age of five!
    There is so much more to be shared; especially what can be done until the child reaches the age of 10, then the age of 15 when the child begins to be spiritually mature, then until the age of 21 when the “wings” of the youth starts to to strong enough to fly and become independent. More will be shared at a later stage.
    It is important to take note that all that have been mentioned herein is scientifically proven and at the same time also found in revealed Scriptures of Religions!
    May parents begin to learn their responsibilities soon, so that the body of mankind will become transformed slowly and surely, to reach a time when all the people of the world will know how to live in unity, peace, prosperity and happiness!

  5. I do trust all the ideas you’ve introduced on your post. They’re really convincing and will definitely work. Nonetheless, the posts are very quick for starters. May just you please extend them a bit from subsequent time? Thanks for the post.
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